Underground
by Epitome
Summary: The band tackles bigger and better things: Agent Showcases
1. Rock the School

AN: I own nothing! Eh not even my soul... Read/Review Good? Bad? All helps make stories more bearable!

Tuesdays.

Tuesdays did not rock. Not a single flipping aspect of a Tuesday was remotely good. You had 4 days left in the week (if you counted that miscreant of a day) and because you had attended school the previous day, you didn't have the excitement of seeing your friends for the first time in 2 days (that is, if you were antisocial, or simply hated people.)

They just sucked.

Having pre-algebra first period, also sucked. So one can say that school just sucks in general.

Rock, however, did not suck.

And the School of Rock, rocked.

Well, at least Zack thought so. But being the lead guitarist, he could be a little biased.

Zack strolled through the front doors of Fairfield Prep Middle School nodding his head to the Rhythm of The Great Rock and Roll Swindle. Shaking the cool fall air from his body, Zack removed his headphones entering into the world of pre-teen melodrama. Not that he was one to speak out against it. No, not at all. After all, he was a pre-teen himself and, no matter how hard he tried to rock, melodrama just flocks to pre-teens (such as himself.)

He waved at Michele, who looked like she was about to walk over to him, before he could be dragged into a rant about how Elani was currently the span of Satan. The two of them were best friends, but the type of best friends who constantly were fighting and God save the poor soul who got dragged in the middle of it.

After successfully bypassing doom (he pretended he saw someone and went to go "talk" to "them",) Zack opened his locker and took off his backpack.

"Crisis averted." Smirked a voice in his hear. Zack turned around smiling and laughed a little as he shook his head.

"Freddy, don't you know it's not nice to talk about people behind their backs?"

"Um, I was talking about them behind your back not theirs" Zack rolled his eyes and grabbed his backpack, "Besides, you were thinking it, I just said it. Those two fight more than Chihuahua's."

Zack closed his locker and the two started off towards their first period class. "Yeah, but deep down they really love each other."

"Very, very deep down. Only viewable under a microscope." Freddy muttered under his breath slipping in the classroom in front of Zack. Zack clapped his arm around Freddy's shoulder.

"And that, my friend, is why you have no friends."

-----

Freddy scribbled furiously what, in ancient times, must have been a very primitive sort of hieroglyphic, to make it seem like he did his homework. Zack looked over to his right at Freddy and laughed.

"It's not funny!" Freddy cried exasperated. "I completely forgot!"

"You seem to forget a lot." Called a voice from above him. Freddy looked up into Summer's eyes.

"Pleasant morning to you too Officer Krupkee." Freddy growled. Summer rolled her eyes and sat in the desk in front of him. "Honestly Freddy, that doesn't even look like numbers!" Freddy stared blankly at her. "It's math for God's-sake! You know, the application of numbers to solve problems presented…"

"I know what math is Miss Know-it-all." Freddy shut his notebook and closed his eyes.

"Coulda fooled me."

"Ha. Ha."

"How is band business coming along Summer?" Zack interjected before the two could get into a heated snarkfest with each other. With Summer, there was no better way to get her back in a good mood than to talk about: her role as the band's manager, grades (as she would always be supremely smarter than you,) the band in general, or Johnny Depp.

"Dewey wants to have a show in two weeks, but I think we are ready for a higher level than the level he's talking about. Besides, it doesn't even pay that much and I mean what would be the point in playing if-"

"Hold up," Freddy sat upright, "Where exactly does he want us to play?"

Summer sighed and waved Freddy off, "Some where called the Foretop Underground. Even the name sounds-" Freddy sputtered loudly and Zack fell out of his seat. Literally.

"Foretop Underground?" Zack said sitting on the floor.

"The Foretop Underground?" Freddy grabbed Summer's shoulders. Summer looked at Freddy as if he was diseased.

"Yes Foretop Underground but-" Summer was cut off by Freddy shaking her violently and Zack jumping off the ground indignantly.

"Why did you say no!?!" Freddy cried.

"Are you mental?" Zack exclaimed.

"The Underground is big!"

"Not big- huge!"

"It's the best rock club within-"

"100 miles"

"And you said no?!"

"Are you stupid?"

"Are you the devil?"

"Do you want us to die?"

"Do you yourself want to die?"

"And Dewey went along with this?"

"Does HE want to die?"

"I can't believe you didn't consult us"

"I think I'm going to die!" Freddy said weakly, collapsing back in his seat. Zack laid down on the ground dejectedly.

"Freddy?" Zack raised a shaky hand up towards Freddy. Freddy grabbed his hand quickly and patted it gently.

"Yes my son?"

"Please shoot me, for I no longer wish to live."

"Seriously guys! It's not that serious!" Summer said fed up with the two boys.

"Not that serious?? Are YOU serious?" Freddy shook his head disappointedly. "Please Zack, tell her."

"Summer," Zack sat up and looked at her seriously. "The Foretop Underground is a huge club in the city where lots of bands get their start. They have periodic agent showcases where the best agents from NYC and LA and… wherever, come to hear little ole' bands like us play little ole' songs like School of Rock!!" Summer sat quietly in her seat looking down.

"How can that be too small for us? Huh Summer?" Freddy pointed an accusing finger at Summer. Summer knocked down his finger and smiled. "Smiling she is!" He looked bewilderedly at Zack, "How can she smile at a moment like this?!"

"Guys, I never said we turned the down offer." Now Freddy ended up on floor and Zack sprung into life grabbing Summer.

"You said yes?"

"I said we'd get back to them; that I had to talk to the band first." Freddy rolled on the floor happily, his legs failing joyously in the air. Zack sighed contently at this.

"Summer I could kiss you." Freddy stopped flailing and Summer looked at him like he was an alien. "But that would be really gross and awkward."

The three of them laughed. Summer turned around in her seat and Freddy went back to rolling on the ground. Since he was so happy (and dirty) no one bothered to stop him.

Zack sat back in his seat as the morning bell rang. Maybe Tuesdays weren't that bad after all.

-------

Math was a blur. And by blur what is really meant is a waste of 40 perfectly-good-potential-sleep-minutes. When in your entire span of being would you need to know how to calculate when a train from Seattle and a train from Denver collide assuming that the train from Seattle was going an average speed of 50 mph while the train from Denver was going an average of 65 mph. Seeing as Zack never planned on being on train leaving from neither Seattle nor Denver, he pondered this out loud as the bell rang.

"Well what if you were in the way when these two trains were about to collide. Wouldn't you want to know when you were going to die?" Summer asked snottily as she gathered her books and waited for Freddy and Zack to leave.

"Well assuming you were in the way bwhen/b the two trains were about to collide, I figure it wouldn't be that hard to miss." Freddy grabbed his books and pushed passed Summer. Zack followed closely behind him shaking his head.

"Oh don't scowl like that Summer, you know he's right. Besides, when we're rock stars we can hire people to do math for us." Freddy gave a holler of approval and did some sort of ritualistic cult-hand shake as they turned and left the classroom.

Summer shook her head in disapproval and made her way to the door muttering to herself, "formal education is lost on those two."

-

"Hey Guys!" a distant voice called from somewhere behind Zack and Freddy.

"Did you hear something?" Zack asked looking around. Freddy laughed.

"Of course I heard something! It's hard not to hear anything in this over crowded lame excuse for a school who's idea-"

"No I meant, like someone calling to us" Zack tried to interrupt Freddy's tirade. Alas, it was no use and Zack should have known better than start with Freddy on this subject.

"-Cows! We are just cows being led to the slaughter! A bell rings; we sit down, get quiet and listen to the man feed us out of his trough of anarchism!"

"Wow two big words in one sentence-"

"Shut up! Listen to you! They've gotten to you too! It's the subliminal messaging that their feeding to the youth of America through MTV and E! True Hollywood Story."

"No one is brain washing me Freddy, it's just a well known fact that your vocabulary is limited."

"Oh really, my vocabulary is limited? Are you saying I'm stupid?" Freddy stopped in front of his locker and stared Zack down. Zack threw up his arms in defense.

"I meant no such thing." Freddy turned around satisfied at this. "It's just that, you normally stick to words like "a" or "the"." Zack burst out into laughter as Freddy threw out his arm wildly. Zack quickly ducked but Freddy's arm connected with something solid anyways.

"Owww!!!" The person cried out in agony. Freddy turned around guiltily and Zack stifled a laugh. Katie smacked Freddy as he looked at her blankly.

"I'm sorry who are you?" He asked, scratching his head. Zack straightened up and suppressed a smile. Katie rolled her eyes annoyed.

"Very funny Freddy, you're a regular Dane Cook."

Freddy scratched his head and looked to Zack for her help. "Do we know her? I don't recall her face…"

"Oh! She's the bass guitarist!" Zack snapped his finger and nodded knowingly at Freddy.

"Oh, that's right! Wow, I forgot we had one you know, since," Freddy smirked malevolently at her, "she never does anything except pout." Freddy pursed his lips and started to nod his head to an imaginary beat.

"Screw you man." Katie turned around and started to walk away when Freddy shot out a hand and grabbed her, bringing her into a half-nelson.

"Aw, we're just kidding! We find your kickin' bass line very…" Freddy searched for the right word.

"Kickin!" Zack interjected happily.

"Yes! Thank you my brother! Very kickin' for the band!" Zack and Freddy nodded to each other, very pleased with themselves for such an astute assessment.

"That was very heartfelt and touching you guys." Katie laughed as she wriggled her way out of Freddy's armpit. Zack turned to Katie and Freddy searched through his locker for his next books.

"Oo! Exciting news! We might play at the Foretop Underground in 2 weeks." Katie's face lit up with excitement.

"That's amazing! When did you find out?"

"Well Summer came in and was all, 'Dewey wants to play this show but it's not big enough for us blah blah blah' and we were like-"

"' So who is not worthy of our presence'" Freddy threw out as he rummaged through some old papers.

"And she was all 'Foreground… Forbore…'"

"Foreplay…"

"-thank you Freddy- 'Foretable… Foretop!'"

"And we were all 'foretop! Are you crazy! That's big!'"

"Not big huge!"

"Not huge… double huge… squared!"

"right… then we were like 'Why didn't you consult us? We're in the band too!' and then we yelled a lot, fell to the floor-"

"-Don't forget the death threats Zack!"

"-rolled around a bit, spoke incoherently-"

"THE DEATH THREATS ZACK! Don't forget the DEATH THREATS!"

"-Freddy made some death threats-"

"Particularly gruesome, thank you very much!" Katie nodded at Freddy's pointed spare.

"And then she was like, 'Chill dudes! I said maybe, that I had to check with the band first.'"

"And then Zack kissed her." Katie raised her eyebrows at this.

"Only not at ALL. He's delusional." Freddy made an obscene gesture at Zack and the two started fight. "But anyways," Zack continued once the two stopped, "Summer is now going to call and confirm us playing there in 2 weeks! Isn't that awesome?!"

"Absolutely spiffing I would say!" Freddy shut his locker with a cockney accent.

"That's great and all, but why didn't anyone consult me? I'm in the band too you know." Katie led the two down the hallway as the minute bell rang. Zack and Freddy stopped in front of their classroom looking highly confused. Zack raised his finger and looked curiously at Kaite.

"Wait. You're in the band?"

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	2. Run in

_AN: Thanks for the reviews!! I will go back and change the spelling. I've been busy lately so his will be short but break will be upon me in 3 days so I will make up for it I swear on my Wicked Playbill!!!!_

_Disclaimer: I own nothing except the storyline_

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The rest of the day was a blur. Class. Bells. Freddy making mooing sounds. Talking. Writing. The list goes on and on. However, it was over and no sensible 12 year old would beg to differ when Zack thought AMEN.

Zack slipped back on his headphones letting the music consume his body. As he walked his thoughts wandered to the information that Summer dumped on them this morning. True, it wasn't set in stone yet, but as far as he was concerned they were going to play at the Foretop-effing-Underground!! Although battle of the bands had been huge, it was peanuts compared to the Underground.

Zack shook his head as he thought about the conversation they had had with Summer this morning. Zack couldn't believe she didn't know about the Underground. She was, after all, their band manager and she should be well learnt in the matter of venues.

Upon resting his thoughts on this subject, Zack thought maybe attending one of these "agent showcases" wasn't such a bad idea. Sure having a manager was amazing, and Summer did a great job of doing this, but they needed someone with knowledge of venues like an agent.

Sure, Dewey was awesome at things like that. Then again, he was in the band so that was really unfair that one band member with all the knowledge could be dangerous. Then again it was Dewey. Yet, he _had _tricked them into playing battle of the bands in the first place and committed a crime by stealing the real Ned's identity. Zack was so deep in thought that he didn't notice the person standing in front of him.

In a matter of seconds Zack had run into something. Something very solid; Something that was actually a someone. In a mess of limbs, backpacks, and chords, Zack and the- thing had fallen to the cold pavement.

Zack didn't see the persons face until they had both straightened up. Zack swallowed hard.

_Oh Crap._


	3. Atilla the Hun

_**DISCLAIMER:** The usual. I don't own anything. Just my thoughts._

**AN:** This chapter came as a result of watching the Stargate movie 3 times in 24 hours then watching 4 episodes of the show afterwards. So in other words, I was silly. I had also just written an over the top Mary Sue story for a Hogwarts Elite challenge so… you can guess.

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"Zack, what are you doing? I thought I told you to stay at school because I was going to pick you up?" Zack looked up at his father, swallowing hard.

"Maybe I walked because last time you said that I was stuck at school until 5:30 because you forgot about me." Zack knew it was a risk being this bold with his father, but looking down at the broken CD on the pavement, he was devoid of rational thought.

Zack's father picked him up roughly by the elbow. "Don't be fresh with me! I should never have agreed to let you continue with that stupid band of yours-" Zack could feel his blood begin to boil.

"It's not some stupid band!" Zack's dad cut him off, pushing him towards the door of their SUV. Zack gave his fathers back a dirty look and reluctantly got in.

"That moronic man has brainwashed you into a snarky, rebellious, low life just like him."

Zack's pulse pounded in his ears, "Dewey is not a low life!" As the car pulled up to a stoplight, Zack's dad looked sideways at him.

"Have you learned nothing of what your mother and I have taught you?"

"Oh I'm sorry," Zack rolled his eyes, "I should be a snobby, I –think-I'm-better-than-everyone son of a-"

"I WILL NOT HAVE YOU SPEAK LIKE THAT!" Mr. Mooneyham roared as he pulled the car to the side of the road. He turned to Zack and pointed a threatening finger at him. "I do not like the tone you have adopted of late Zachary. If you are not careful you will find your phone removed and your guitar missing-" Zack opened his mouth to object but was cut off by his father. "And, if you have a problem with this then you will find yourself grounded for the next month. Do I make myself clear?"

Zack stared at his father with narrowed eyes. Seeing that there was no getting around it, he stubbornly faced forward and sunk into the seat. His father, triumphantly, turned the car back on and started home.

Zack saw red spots until later that night. Sitting at his desk doing his homework he felt the urge to go up to his father and punch him for saying those things about Dewey, and generally being a jackasss. But as he glanced at his guitar in the corner and thought of what Summer had told him this morning, he resisted the urge.

_Damn the man_, he thought, and somewhere inside of a little voice replied "Save the empire."

* * *

Zack lay on his bed looking up at his ceiling.

_God, this blows_ he thought to himself. He rolled over on his side and stared at his guitar. It looked so inviting. He was banned from playing it until he finished his homework. Which, of course, he hadn't started.

Zack turned over onto is left side and looked at his backpack. He seriously debated starting his homework. Zack rolled back on his back and laughed to himself, _yeah right._

Instead he opted to pick up the phone. His fingers sailed across the buttons dialing a familiar number. After the third ring a voice picked up.

"Hello, Helga's House of Pain. How may I service you?" the voice said in a very bad Swiss accent. Zack laughed to himself and deepened his voice.

"Oh you know how I like it baby." The voice on the other end let out a high-pitched squeal. It wasn't long until the two dropped their acts and laughed.

"Hey man, what's up?" Freddy asked, his voice still dancing with laughter.

"Putting off the end of the world." Zack replied, he rolled his eyes although he knew Freddy couldn't see him.

"Ah, didn't start that civics paper I take it?" Freddy inquired. At his end, he was sitting in front of his computer, tossing a baseball in the air. Although he too had yet to write anything, Zack didn't need to know that.

"Neither did you! I bet you 20 bucks you are sitting there tossing a ball in the air, just pretending that you did so you feel smart, which- you aren't."

Freddy huffed, "I am too smart!! And how did you know that? You could not possibly know that!" Zack smiled to himself, Freddy had set himself up for this one.

"What, that you aren't smart? I think everyone you encounter knows that."

"Ouch. It slays! It slays!"

"Damn straight bitch."

"But seriously man, how effing exciting is this whole band thing?!"

"um.."

"What?!" Freddy cried offended, "You don't think it's awesome??"

"No," Zack said skeptically. "You just said, "Effing""

"I hate you."

"Right back at you buddy."

"No seriously, if you could see the look I'm giving you right now, you would be dead. It's ice, man, pure ice."

"So that's why I just got the chills."

"Hatred is growing."

"I love you."

Freddy let out a laugh. "HA! I always knew it!!! The way you stare at me, with those eyes-"

"Ok that went from funny to creepy in .05 seconds."

"Don't deny your feelings for me. Hell, if I were a guy, I'd be in love with me too."

"Ok, if I were gay, I would not choose you. I mean, I've seen you change for gym..."

"Ouch! That was low!"

"I think that's opposite of what I was trying to imply-"

"Ok, I'm hanging up now while I still have some pride."

"Ha! Like that will ever happen."

"That made no sense!"

"Whatever! Bye!" Zack laughed. Before he could hang up Freddy had to get the last word.

"Bye my lover!" And with that Zack was met with the dial tone. Zack laughed and placed his phone on the floor. Just then his door swung open and his dad stepped in.

"What are you laughing about?" he asked sternly. Zack suppressed a smile as he thought about his fathers face if he walked in a minute earlier.

"Uh... how funny democrats are." (Did you ever doubt that his dad would be a republican?!) His dad looked satisfied with this answer and left, closing the door behind him.

Zack grabbed his backpack still smiling, thinking of ways to get back at Freddy.

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	4. Cars, trucks, and Dewey's Oh my!

**AN: **This is short, I'm sorry! But school is very busy and I have nowhere to go! Plus I have an unhealthy obsession with all things Stargate (esp. Atlantis and Joe Flanigan) My friend is annoying me (:DD) to finish this so hopefully I will update more and have more of a plot. Also, yes i know my grammar is poor, but he forgiving, I don't plan on writing for a living. ;D

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3 hours later and Zack was still sitting on his bed staring at his backpack. The only that had changed was that he had opened his back and yes, he had taken out his notebook and test book and, yes, he had gone as far as to open them up to the corresponding pages and written the date on the crisp, lined paper. However, to actually have started the assignment was something he had not done. 

He put down his comic book and stared longingly at the guitar that stood against the wall just mere feet away_. No,_ he thought _must not give in!_ His father had strictly forbidden him from playing guitar until his homework was done and there was no way that his dad would buy that he had finished his homework.

Zack knew he should be the good little rocker and do his math homework so he could practice but there were some things that a boy will not do for his love. Seriously though, if rock was lady, Zack knew he would get on one knee and propose to her the minute he laid eyes on her. Rock was wild. Well, maybe not wild, but it was so free, loose and comforting. _Or as Freddy would say, exactly like we like our women_ Zack laughed to himself. He had no idea how he had gone along so long without rock and roll. He had been the conscientious worker that his dad had always wanted him to be. Granted, he hadn't been all that popular, hell- Freddy didn't even like him up until 4th grade. Now people all over the school knew who he was.

But that wasn't all that it was cracked up to be either. Sure, it was great to be well known and have everyone want to be your friend, but it wasn't for the right reasons. They just wanted Zack to get them free stuff or to introduce them to Avril Lavine. After someone asked him the latter, Zack seriously questioned the academic standards to which his private school held its applicants. More often than not, Zack found himself wishing he could play with a paper bag with an alien painted on it over his head so that he could rock his soul out but not be worried about people annoying the hell out of him for a free demo or to discuss to what degree Simple Plan rocked (which, in his humble opinion, was a negative integer.)

Zack sighed and pulled him math book onto his lap. There was nothing left to do in his room except to do homework (since his dad would hear a radio or the TV.)

_If a car drove down elm street at 25 miles per hour and a truck drove the towards the car on elm street at 20 miles per hour at what time would the two vehicles meet?_

Zack's eyes glazed over as he stared at the page. He would never get his homework done. Zack shook his head and tried to focus. As Zack finished his 4th problem, his phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Zack! It's Dewey!" the loud voice greeted him from the receiver. A smile crept to Zack's lips, just the distraction he needed!

"Hey Dewey! What's up man?"

"I was just calling to confirm that we are, in fact, playing the Foretop Underground in 3 weeks!" Dewey screamed the last bit. Zack laughed to himself, not doubting that in his living room, Dewey was playing air guitar and contorting his face in all sorts of unnatural positions.

"That's amazing! Freddy was having a heard time understanding how Summer had never heard of the place."

Zack was met with laughter from the older man. "I talked to him. I told him not go busting any veins. Although she may know her business, we have to remember that Tinkerbell is a newbie, we must slowly ease her down the road of rock, gently guiding her through the turns and over the bumps of degradation!" Zack snickered as Dewey continued, "But! I know you-and your father- and I will let you go and finish the homework that I know you have yet to start-" Zack opened his mouth to protest but Dewey knew him better. "don't even try to give me lip boy! I will see you tomorrow for rehearsal. Now go broaden your mind my son!"

Before he could answer Zack was met with the dial tone for the second time. Being hung up on was starting to seem like his second hobby. Zack sighed and looked at the book on his lap. He knew he should really work. Really!

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	5. On the floor

Zack woke up the next morning unsure how he had gotten to his current position. He was lying with his back on the floor and his right leg resting lightly on the bed above him, his left leg was under him at an odd angle.

Groaning, Zack tried to move his limbs into a more comfortable position. His body screamed as his muscles tightened and refused to be tortured in such a manner. Giving up on trying to move, Zack let his arms fall above his head and sighed, defeated. He had never been a morning person, and waking up on the floor with only a vague recollection of what had transpired during his unconsciousness only furthered his annoyed state. Craning his neck to try and see his alarm clock Zack could just barely make out the red numbers reading 3:16. Letting out a whimper, he pulled his blanket off his bed and over his chest and pressed his mind to remember what he had dreamt about.

If he wasn't completely wacked, he was pretty sure the brief summery of his dream was Freddy, Billy, the cast of Stargate: Atlantis, a giant grasshopper, and an alien named Kris.

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_Zack was standing in a cold, plain, cement room. There was nothing else to it. In the middle of the room was a ramp that led into nothing. Nothing. It looked like it should lead to something, but there was nothing. Opposite the top of the ramp and up about 20 feet was a huge glass window. Behind the window was what looked like a control room housing many people clad in blue uniforms all who were looking down at him. Fully confused, Zack looked around trying to find a way out. As if reading his mind, one of the concrete walls opened up revealing a shimmery blue surface. The wall opposite it opened as well. Being pushed by giant, walking drumsticks was a loud-mouthed Freddy._

"_ha! As if I will EVER pick one of you up again!" he shouted as they pushed his violently towards Zack. Reacting instinctively, Zack grabbed hold of Freddy's fire truck patterned shirt before he fell to the ground._

"_What the hell is going on?" Zack cried as he pulled Freddy straight up. The drumsticks didn't answer only closed in on the two pre-teens, pushing them back towards the upright puddle._

"_uh… Zack buddy, that blue thing is getting closer to us." Freddy mumbled nervously, keeping an eye on the drumsticks that were getting closer by the second. Zack didn't respond, though not for lack of trying. He just kept opening and closing his mouth like a messy haired fish. "Zack, did you hear what I said. Blue. Close. Bad. "_

_Just then the drumsticks took out very large looking tazers._

"_You know what, I think I will take my chances with the blue thingy." Zack shouted before he ran through the blue water. With just a quick look at the drumsticks, Freddy jumped through after Zack. _

_Landing with a resounding thud, seconds after Zack landed face down in a large hall, Freddy fell on top of him. With a grunt Freddy rolled off Zack and onto his back to his left._

"_How may I service you?" he groaned and lifted his hands to his eyes. Zack rolled his eyes._

"_We are facing certain deaths at the hands of drumsticks and all you can do is quote yourself? Nothing even remotely original?"_

"_It was original at one point in time."_

"_I'm sorry who the hell are you?" A females voice called from somewhere above them. A loud click sounded somewhere above his left right ear. Lifting his face form the ground, Zack nearly cried as he found himself looking in the barrel of a rather menacing looking machine gun. Wielding the gun was an imposable man with ridiculously messy bed head. _

"_Get up." He demanded. On his other side, Zack could hear Freddy getting to his feet. _

"_Hey Zack, how about we stand up before we get our brains blown out?" At this another man appeared holding a small hand gun._

"_Oh please," he scoffed. "You are like 10, we wouldn't seriously shoot you unless a gou'uld came out of your stomach." The two men eyed his stomach suspiciously. _

"_Don't look at me like that!" Freddy subconsciously covered his stomach with his arms. _

"_I'm sorry, I know I'm dreaming and stuff, but where are we?" Zack spoke up raising his hands in compliance. The man with the unruly hair looked up to a balcony looking over the room they were standing in. Leaning against the railing was a female with short, curly brown hair. She shared a look with bed head man before giving him a small nod._

"_So?" Freddy questioned, gathering some of his cockiness back. _

"_You are in Atlantis." The other man spoke up._

_Zack's hand raised in frustration as he looked to the ceiling, shouting up at it._

"_I knew it!"_

"_Knew what? What are you, like prophecy boy?" The man with the smaller gun mocked him, lowering his gun._

"_Yes Mckay, that is right I **am** prophecy boy!" Zack couldn't hold back grin as the two men looked wide-eyed at him._

"_What? But… I never said my name! Did I?" he sputtered, unbelieving. "No, I definitely didn't. Did you Sheppard?" he looked Bed-head man resorted back to opening and closing his mouth._

_Right at that moment the women ran down the huge staircase in the background. _

"_Hello…" Freddy muttered looking her up and down. Sheppard sent him an evil look, shuffling his guns from his left hand to his right. Getting the message, Freddy shut his mouth. _

"_They are in the building! It will only be moments before they arrive!" She cried coming to stand next to them. Before they could respond, a high pitched squeel rang out and three gigantic grasshoppers hopped out of a doorway to their left._

_The three adults opened fire on the grasshoppers, but it was no use. The grasshoppers just smiled as the bullets hit their… fleshy covering an dissolved into turquoise dust. _

"_Nuts." Freddy cursed, snapping his fingers. _

_Just then a girl about their age came out from behind the grasshoppers. She was about 5'3 and had mint colored skin. _

"_Ok, now this is just obscene." Zack sighed. The girl perched herself on top of one of the grasshoppers. Cocking her head she looked at the group curiously. _

"_Kris" she said, her voice cracking slightly, causing Freddy to snicker._

"_I don't know what that means." Sheppard spoke, his gun raised at her._

"_It's her name." McKay rolled his eyes. A look of realization dawned on Sheppard's face._

"_Oh. It's nice to meet you, now would you please get out of our city!"_

"_No." _

"_Damn. I was kinda hoping we could come to an agreement."_

"_Sheppard, when have you known gigantic insects to be peaceful?" McKay shot at him. Elizabeth looked thoughtful._

"_Well, there was that one time with the prime minister of Malaysia…" she said receiving odd looks from all the men present (and one of the grasshoppers.)_

"_Look, what are we going to do? It's obvious gun power won't do any good." Zack interrupted, hoping to wake up anytime. Anytime…_

"_Oo! Once, on the Sci-Fi channel, I saw a movie where these people were attacked by a bunch of killer grasshoppers and so they put on the sprinklers and then poured baking soda all over them and they dissolved and made this AWESOME sounds!" Freddy jumped up and down excited. The group looked at him as though he were mad. _

"_Well, this is Atlantis, we discovered recently that is has a sprinkler system. All Sheppard would have to do is to activate it. Now, the baking soda that is another story… wait, why am I going along with this? This makes no sense what-so-ever!" McKay rambled on. Sheppard rolled his eyes and the women, Elizabeth, tried not to smile._

"_This is your dream kid, you make this happen." Sheppard nudged Zack who's eyes were glazing over. _

"_Right." Zack closed his eyes tightly and thought messy, grasshopper death thoughts. He knew something was working when he was pelted with cold water and the smell of Baking Soda filled his nose. He opened his eyes and saw the grasshopper and Kris the grasshopper girl melting. _

_Before she had completely dissolved she raised a green finger to them._

"_I'll get you my pretties! And your little dogs too!"

* * *

_

Zack snapped out of his early-morning day dream.

"I knew I shouldn't have watched Stargate before I went to bed."

* * *

**Uh... I fully apologize for that piece of insanity. But I love Stargate and wanted to incorporate it and had absolutelt no idea where to go with plot. I think I have an idea now, and I swear, all the crazyness will stop now.  
**

**Still, R/R even if you hated it- tell me! **


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